A GROUP of adventurous travelers embark on the “Xanadu Ancient Trails” bike tour, promising a journey through picturesque traditional villages and stunning green rice fields. However, the reality of muddy trails, cranky bikes, and silly interactions with locals make their trip less “memorable” than they expected. The highlight? A swim in a river that turns out to be inhabited by a slightly… eccentric aquatic creature.
“Welcome to ‘Xanadu Ancient Trails!’ Ready for an adventure through time and mud?” our enthusiastic bike tour guide, Bli (Bro) Komang, greets with a wide smile that shows off his pearly white teeth. We, a group of tourists who were fooled by brochures with photos of rice fields that looked like green carpets without a single speck, respond with a slightly forced cheer of enthusiasm.
The first day starts off promisingly enough. The first village is indeed traditional, complete with chickens roaming around that seem to have ownership of the streets and small children waving their hands cheerfully. The rice fields stretch out, though not as green as the photos—more of a dull green with a few suspicious brown patches.
“Isn’t it beautiful?” says Brenda, a retiree from England who always wears a safari hat, with genuine admiration.
“Stunning,” replies Kevin, a ‘tech bro’ who is more interested in the Wi-Fi signal than the view. “Is there a signal here?”
Bli Komang laughs. “Strong natural signal, Mr. Kevin! A gentle breeze, the sound of crickets… and soon, the refreshing aroma of natural fertilizer!”
Sure enough, a few kilometers later, the ‘refreshing’ aroma invades our senses. The path that was originally hard ground begins to turn into a fairly challenging mud puddle. The ‘premium’ mountain bikes we rent turn out to be of a somewhat questionable ‘premium’ standard. Chad’s bike chain, a food blogger who always records his food, comes off every five minutes.
“This is not like the ones on Instagram!” he grumbled as he tried to reattach the chain with muddy hands.
“Patience, Mr. Chad,” said Bli Komang in a comforting tone. “This is part of the ‘Ancient Trails’! Back then, the roads weren’t paved, they were still natural like a virgin’s heart!”
“A virgin’s heart that has been playing in the mud,” Kevin muttered behind him.
Our suffering was slightly relieved when we arrived at a simple stall in the middle of the rice fields. The cold and sweet young coconut ice tasted like holy water after struggling with the mud. Bli Komang proudly explained how to harvest coconuts with a trained monkey, although the monkey he pointed to was more interested in stealing Brenda’s hat.
“He was very excited to welcome guests,” said Bli Komang, laughing out loud as Brenda tried to snatch her hat back from the monkey.
The journey continued, and the road conditions worsened. Some of us were forced to walk our bikes through puddles of unexpectedly deep water. Tiffany, a social media influencer who tries to stay chic in the mud, now has a unique abstract brown pattern on her white shorts.
“This is going to be interesting content,” she said with a forced smile as she filmed herself pushing her bike through puddles. “#AdventureFail #XanaduAuthentic #MudSpa.”
Finally, after hours of biking (or rather, dragging our bikes), we arrived at our final destination: a river described as a “refreshing oasis” in the brochure. The water looked clear, but there was something odd about the bubbles that occasionally rose to the surface.
“Time to cool off!” Bli Komang exclaimed cheerfully, jumping into the river.
We followed hesitantly. The water felt cool and quite refreshing, although a bit slippery at the bottom. Suddenly, Chad screamed hysterically.
“Something is touching my foot!”
We all panicked and tried to get away. From beneath the clear water, several aquatic creatures emerged that we had never seen before. They looked like catfish, but with small legs and strangely swiveling eyes. They didn’t seem aggressive, just curious.
“This… what is this?” Kevin asked in a tone of fear mixed with amusement.
Bli Komang laughed again. “Oh, that’s the ‘Walking Mud Catfish’! They’re friendly, they like to bite your toes a little as a greeting!”
Immediately, we all tried to climb back to the river bank as fast as possible, avoiding the “friendly” greetings of the Walking Mud Catfish. Our “Xanadu Ancient Trails” adventure ended with us all sitting on the muddy river bank, soaking wet, and a little traumatized, watching Bli Komang swim happily with his Walking Mud Catfish friends.
Brenda lost her hat again to a monkey, Chad’s bike chain broke for the tenth time, Tif’s pants fany became abstract mud art, and Kevin finally got a signal—just as we were all about to call the evacuation service.
“How was it? Was ‘Ancient Trails’ fun?” Bli Komang asked, grinning widely.
We exchanged glances, our faces a mix of annoyance, exhaustion, and a little unavoidable amusement.
“Impressive,” we replied in unison, realizing that our adventure in Xanadu was indeed unforgettable—not because of the beauty of the trail, but because of all the misadventures and silliness we experienced along the “Ancient Trails” that turned out to be even more “ancient” than we had imagined. And yes, we all agreed, the young coconut ice was indeed delicious. Next time, maybe we’ll opt for the air-conditioned bus tour. (*)
